Words of Wisdom

I am so grateful for my Mom!  She seems to know just what to say to help me feel better at just the right moment.  For the last couple of months, I have been in a weird kind of funk that I really just need to climb out of!  You see, I have this problem, that I have had FOREVER and I just don't know how to STOP!  I am a coveter, I am continually, blatently breaking that commandment.  I compare myself to those around me (and often feel jealous) and end up feeling mighty inadequate in most aspects of my life.  I often wonder what my contributions in this life are.  A couple of weeks ago, I attempted to organize all of my craft "stuff" and recognized a pattern.  I find something that looks interesting, and go all out trying to be "good" at something.  I have a lot of scrapbook stuff, most of it is pretty basic that I can use for things other than scrapbooking, but I really don't "love" to scrapbook,  I have most of my "post digital camera pictures" on my hard drive and disks.  Once I get the motivation, the prints will hopefully go into an album.  I have a bin FULL of fat quarters.....  yeah, I can sew.... a straight line... forget following a pattern, because I can't!  I enjoyed looking at all that fabric, remembering the ideas that ran through my head when I purchased it....  Yarn, hmmm yeah, yarn.  I can make you a hat if you want one!  Just pick a color!  Painting stuff, bow stuff, you name it "stuff".....  I just want to be "good" at something, something that I enjoy, something that I can put my heart and soul into, and love.   I use to love to do needle work, not fantastic at it, but it was rewarding to see a picture form out of tiny stitches, but I haven't been able to pick it up for the last few years.  I let one sour experience color my attitude toward doing something that I use to enjoy.  I spent the better part of a year putting my heart into every stitch for a friend, to not even be graced with a simple "thank you".  It broke my heart, and it still makes me sad, to feel that all that time was wasted.  I decided then that I was done.  I would not put my time and energy into something that isn't appreciated, but really..... is that what our talents and abilities are about?  Trying to please other people?  Or doing what I love, for the simple pleasure that it brings ME?  Maybe someday I will finish all of my "unfinished projects", but probably not.  I can do a lot of things, none of them wonderfully.  I can stumble through primary songs on the piano, with a lot of time and practice.  I enjoy playing the piano, but even if I put all of my time and energy into the piano, I will never be great at it.  I can sing, well enough to blend into the ward choir.  I can plant a garden, but I am not a gardener, and I don't know how to "can".  My flower plot is unorganized and random, but I love flowers.  I don't  have an "eye" for decorating, I don't need a showpiece for a home, but some neat decorating might be fun.  Mothering.... where to start?  I recently read an article in my local paper about 2 women who had won the "Mother of the Year" award.  One woman stated that she had "been born with MOTHER stamped on her forhead, that was her life, purpose, and identity".  The other said that she enjoyed "every minute" of being a mother and that was her "calling" in life.  Why don't I feel like that?  I love my kids!  With all of my heart!  But mothering does not come easy for me.  I struggle daily wondering if I am a "good enough" mother.  I compare myself to those around me, wondering if I am doing right by my children.  I was in church yesterday, talking with a Sister that I view as a wonderful mother, she has four lovely, well behaved children.  I asked her how having four children was treating her, and she said that it was "wonderful!"  I am terrified of being a mother of four!  I worry about my sanity and my patience.  I wonder how all of those "good mothers" out there raise "good kids" and I hope that I can by some miracle raise my kids to be responsible, kind, with strong testimonies of the Gospel.  I compare myself to everyone, wishing that I could have, or be, or do what they can!  This is where the "Words of Wisdom" come into play.  My sweet Mom, sent me an e-mail with this:  "Remember, only YOU can perform the mission you were sent to do, and there is only ONE of YOU!!! You are a strong woman just keep going....there are a bunch of people who love you."  This keeps me going!  So, with all that said, my goal or "resolution" for this year, is to figure out what exactly MY mission is!  More words of wisdom from my Mom about my mission in life:  "It doesn't come all at once, just line upon line, bit by bit."  I hope that I can figure out what I am good at, what I am am great at, and what really makes a difference in my life as well as the lives of my family and those around me.  I really need to stop comparing myself to others, and concentrate on what makes me happy and brings me a true sense of joy.