Some days you just feel like.....

Crying.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Some days, when I attend my Church services, I am really enlightened and uplifted.  Yesterday was the 1st Sunday of the month, which means testimony meeting.  Many, many, MANY children (two of mine included) stood on the stand and bore simple yet powerful witness of the truthfulness of the Gospel.   I was also touched by two outstanding women in my Ward.  One spoke of an opportunity that she had to attend a meeting with Elder Bednar as the speaker, where he did a "question/answer" session.  He gave an example of what a "good question" might consist of.  He stated that he had the amazing opportunity to be one of 14 men to be a witness of when President Monson received the call of Prophet of the Lord, and maybe it would be a "good question" to ask what that experience was like.   This good Sister related how that experience had touched her and it in turn touched me, and strengthened my testimony of the the calling and mission of the 12 Apostles. They are called as "special witnesses of Jesus Christ".  Each of these men have made choices throughout their lives to be worthy of that calling and to witness to all people the divinity of Jesus Christ.  Another testimony that touched me was a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  We can do, be, overcome all things through the Atonement.  We have trials placed in our pathways of life that can ONLY be overcome through the power of the Atonement.  We can not do it on our own.  What a blessing and miracle the Atonement is.  I am learning, albeit VERY slowly, that I can rely on the Lord to help me through all things in this life.

In Sunday School, we talked about Stephen, Phillip, and Saul and their witness of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I continue to be particularly touched by the testimony of Saul, who, after his conversion became Paul and turned away completely from his ways to spread the news of the Gospel.  Each of us has the opportunity to be a Paul, and turn away from our past, move forward, and do good.

Relief society was difficult for me yesterday.  The 1st Sunday lesson is presented by someone in the R.S. Presidency, and it was a wonderful lesson!  It was about teaching our children to sacrifice, work, and serve.  I am having a difficult time with this.  I want my children to do these things.  Ry and I are trying to do as well as teach these principals in our home.  We do this program  at home, and when we "do it" the way that it is suppose to be done, it works!  We also try to teach our kids wise money habits.  I am learning how important it is to start young, and hope that they gain good experience.  It takes a lot of work to be a parent, and I hope that my kids grow up to make wise choices in all areas of their lives!  As we were talking about sacrifice and work, I contemplated my calling.  I am the RS Pianist, and it takes a LOT of work for me to be able to stumble through the songs every week.  I find it to be a very stress inducing calling, but I accepted the call and try hard to magnify my calling. I have to practice EVERY day for at least a week to be able to feel confident enough to play them.  I value music and I enjoy playing the piano, but it doesn't come easy for me.  It is WORK and SACRIFICE (mostly of my pride because I am not very good).  Last week, I was given the list of songs to practice, and I wrote down the page numbers that were listed, but not the actual song titles.  When I arrived to RS, the page numbers to the closing song were totally different than what I had practiced!  AAAAHHH, I had a moment of panic, then thought to myself, I have played these songs before, I will be OK.  BUT, I was NOT OK.  The opening song was one that I had practiced, but I was so flustered by panic for the CLOSING song, my fingers froze.  I felt like such an idiot.  Here I had put in hours of work, (practicing) and sacrifice, (of my time and so called talent?)  so I could  serve, just to fumble, stumble and mess up.  So, the take away?  Make sure that I look at the TITLE of the song, not just the page number, and if there are discrepancies, I will practice BOTH!  That way, I will hopefully be more prepared.  I am sure that all the RS ladies wonder why I get to be the pianist since I am just so talented and capable.  I tried to hold the tears until I quickly escaped after the meeting. 

So, yesterday I felt like crying, not only tears from feeling the Spirit touch my heart, but also tears of embarrassment and shame.  So, now I am off to practice for NEXT week and I hope for a better outcome!