Friday Confessional

Link up with Glamazon and Mamarazzi an play!

I hear that confession is good for the soul, plus, it's FUN!!

I confess:

I need too loose a few pounds.

OK, a LOT of pounds.

My 15 year wedding anniversary is in a few months,

and I would LOVE to be able to fit into my wedding dress.

It had some alterations a few years ago,

when my MOTHER wore it as a HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!!!

(she was Glenda the good witch, and I have since forgiven her.)

So, it should be easier to fit into.

I can get it on, but can't zip it up!!

So, that is the goal,

and I have 3 months to do it.

I confess:

I jumped for joy when my wii fit no longer called me obese!

I have been faithfully working out for 2 weeks now,

(in my house, alone, where no one can see me)

and it feels good!

I sometimes wish with all my heart that I didn't have body image issues and could be more like this amazing woman, and see my body as the gift that it is!

I confess:

I am drug dependant.

I take antidepressants for anxiety and depression.

I had my first anxiety attack when I was 18 years old. 

I couldn't drive, leave my house, or function as a normal person.

There have been periods in my life when I have stopped taking medicine, and it feels good.

(for a while)

And then the debilitating anxiety comes back, and I can't function again.

I had a bout of severe post partum depression after Peanut was born, and have been on medication ever since.  I would like to be able to NOT be dependant on medication. 

I confess:

Several months ago, I got tired of not feeling.

(I wasn't sad, but I wasn't happy either.  I wasn't ANYTHING)

So, I weaned myself off of my medication, without telling anyone.

The withdrawl was horrible.

but once I got past that, it was nice to have emotions again.

That lasted for about a month, when the crippling anxiety started up again.

So, once again, medication is my friend.

I know that exercise is a natural antidepressant and helps significantly with the anxiety and depression and helps the medicine work better.  I feel better when I exercise. Someday, I hope that I can meet eye to eye with those feelings and deal with them, and overcome them, but for now, this is me. It is my reality. I am grateful for the strides that have been made in recognizing and treating mental illness and allows me to function as a mother, a wife, a nurse, a friend, and as a person.