Am I a bad Mom?

I am wondering if I am a terrible mother?  I see and hear all of these moms going around crying about their kids starting/going back to school.  I am crying too, tears of JOY!  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids, and I enjoy spending time with them, but summer is NOT a vacation at our house.  I am not a schedule kind of person.  I don't carry a planner, I don't schedule my day, I feed my baby "on demand" (and he is very demanding lately) I don't set my alarm....  We DO have general times for eating lunch, dinner and going to bed.  I DO carry a calendar in my purse and have a BIG color coded one on my wall so I can have some sort of knowledge of the days that I go to work and what is going on in every one's life, but other than that, I am just kind of unscheduled and go with the flow.  (Which is odd, considering that I am a *little* OCDish). 

Peanut is extremely bright and NEEDS the structure and schedule of school.  He thrives with a schedule, he needs to know what we are doing, when, why, for how long, with whom, and what will we be doing after that.  It is difficult for me to schedule out our day, but school is amazing with schedules!  Peanut is starting in the G&T program this year, and is SO excited to finally be challenged (hopefully) with school.  Beanie is starting Kindergarten this year!!!  This week is testing week, so we got to meet the Teacher yesterday and the first real day of Kindergarten is next Monday.  Beanie is looking forward to recess and playing with his new friends.  I am excited to go to the grocery shopping with TWO kids instead of four! 

I know my kids are growing up, and I can't stop it, so why cry about them growing up?  I have great joy in watching my children progress and move forward in life.  I have enjoyed every stage of my children's lives.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE when my kids are babies, they are so snugly and squishy and sweet and kissable.  Then they grow up to be toddlers, (LOVE LOVE LOVE them) sassy and hilarious, growing into their little personalities, still sweet and kissable.  Then, they get to be kindergartners, strong in spirit, knowing that they can do it, getting more independent (still sweet and kissable.... even when they say "oh mom, stop kissin' me so much").  Oh how I LOVE LOVE LOVE to see the light and excitement in their eyes!  Then, it is 3rd grade, confident, a little scared, hobbies and talents are more defined. What an independent (sometimes) person he has become!  It is fun to see a real person develop from a tiny baby!  STILL sweet and kissable, even though he is starting to turn into a stinky smelly boy!  

I am enjoying my kids NOW, at the stage and age they are.  There are no tears shed wishing they were "still little" or "still a baby" or "still this or that".  They are growing, and progressing and fulfilling their purposes in life.  Isn't that what life is all about?  Learning, growing and progressing?  How selfish it would be of me to wish for my children to stop.  Tonight I got to snuggle each one of my "babies" for a few minutes.  Fuzzy went to sleep before anyone else so he was tucked into his bed 8:30.  I hopped into Beanie's bed and he asked me to tell him "his story".  So, I told him about the day he was born, (at 7:11 AM. He says that is why he likes Slurpee's so much!), his accomplishments so far in life, the funny things he did when he was "little" ( he tells me every day that he is a "big strong boy now, I'm not a little boy anymore").  It is fun to see just how much they have changed and grown.  After Beanie was asleep, I climbed up into the top bunk with Peanut and I told him HIS story too, how he is pretty darn special because he made me a mom!  Peachy was busy lining up the toy cars while I was snuggling the boys, but then it was her turn.  She is such a little mama's girl, and I love it.  It is nice to be needed, and I know it won't last, so I need to relish it while it does.

That takes me back to my original question, am I a terrible mother for being happy and glad that my kids are going to school? Should I feel guilty that I am not with them every second of every day?  I DO know that the things that Ry and I teach at home, and in our family are the most important things, and that it is my responsibility as a mother to nurture them and teach them the ways of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Would I be a "better" mother if I did home schooling, or if I held them back a year because they  are "young"? (They have June birthdays).  Would I be a better mom if I cried and cried because I miss them so?  Sure I miss them, but as the saying goes "absence make the heart grow fonder".  I don't want them to go to school so I can watch soap operas and eat bon bons (or read Mockingjay) because you KNOW that is all I do when the kids are at school.  I want them to go to school to develop social skills, to make friends, to learn and grow and progress in life, and to become their own people!  There will be NO tears shed about school, well, at least not until next June anyway ;).

Peanut in his class

Beanie :)